Vegan-ish-ism

I've been a pseudo-vegetarian for a while (I complement a traditional vegetarian diet with a smattering of sushi). Unlike many vegetarians, I have no real reason for being vegetarian. About ten years ago, back in the golden days of my high school youthfulness, it was my life's dream to be a hippie. A hippie who was profusely accomplished, but a hippie nonetheless. So I embraced vegetarianism in an act of identity construction. A few years on, when I sat in my ethics and applied ethics classes at university, it was a very convenient life choice. I was on the side of the ethical, on the side of animal rights. Gold star! Then, a year or two later, concern for the environment really entered mainstream fashion, and suddenly, vegetarianism was the earth-friendly option. Again, I emerged a saint.

I've always felt a bit of a fraud, not having a "real" reason for being vegetarian. Look, I'm not pro the suffering of animals, and am profoundly uncomfortable by the inhumane conditions that fuel our modern meat industry. And yes, I care about the earth and climate change and global warming and saving the whales etc, but it's not my cause, if you know what I mean. I'm no greenie, and I'm for defsies no card-wielding member of PETA. Vegetarianism is habit now, more than anything else, and it's just a part of who I am: a socialist-Marxist vegetarian who smokes a lot of shisha pipe. Take out the vegetarianism and I'm a revolutionary with a steadily growing wheeze.

So I stand, red-cheeked, there in the midst of people too lazy to have an ideological reason for their lifestyle choices. Which brings me to my current consideration of veganism. My room-mate and her partner have decided to go vegan. For ethical reasons. Not a whim, not a lame addition to their ambit of identity expressions but a firm moral stand. I thought, ok Jen, here's an opportunity to prove yourself, here's an opportunity to do the right thing. So I went and bought vegan shower gel and a box of rice milk and was ready and prepared to make my stand.

Then, I was craving something sweet see, and usually when I crave something sweet, I like to nibble on some chocolate. And when I don't have chocolate, I put some raisins in milk and nibble on that. So on Monday evening, I poured me some rice milk and settled down on the ole' couch with my CSI and a blankie. A tentative sip, ok, it's not foul. Another more confident sip and FOOL OF A TOOK that stuff is SWEET! So I abandoned that plan. Tuesday evening and I thought ok, let me just buy a chocolate brownie and I know it's not vegan but baby-steps. I bought a pack of five brownies, settled down on the couch with my rice milk and tried again. I finished my glass of milk because my mother told me not to leave anything on the plate/in the glass, but I was not impressed.

Last night, driven to the point of desperate despair I made the walk of shame to the local MacDonald's and bought a McFlurry. I sat on my couch, ate my ice-cream with oreos and my soul rejoiced.

I explained to my brother today, that perhaps veganism is not for me. It's not that I don't want to, but I've been thwarted. Thwarted by a chocolate brownie and a glass of milk.