Taking one for the team

Tabby and Ma'Monica are offering a variety of medical tests today at the Wellness Centre, including blood glucose. Tabby came to find me earlier, "Je-een you must come and help us."
I'm not good with blood. (This is a euphemism for saying I *freak out* at the the mere thought.) But Tabby isn't used to being refused, particularly not by me; I usually jump at the opportunity to go on trips to the Shoprite to buy veggies for the nutrition display and greasey chips for me. So I went along to the testing room.
"What's up?" I feign nonchalantness while quietly throwing myself against an internal padded cell.
"It's not working." Tabby points to the mini-lancet that is used to puncture the skin. I am less good with needles than I am with blood. Deep breaths.
"Ok," pull yourself towards yourself I think, "let's see."

We sit and go through the pictorial guide to getting the lancet to work. It seems fairly straightforward. It isn't. After every fiddle with the lancet in its holder, I hold it to my finger, screw my face up, panic with anticipation and press the puncture button. Nothing. Tabby and Ma'Monica keep looking at me expectantly, so I keep going through the horrendous ordeal of fiddling, panic, press and nothing. But then,
"OW!" I surprise myself. Tabby and Ma'Monica look at the growing droplet of blood on my forefinger happily.
"Good!" A quick pause. "So what did you do?"
"I don't know," I answer, trying to avoid looking at the micro-puddle of blood.
Concerned glances between Tabby and Ma'M. I realise where this is going. I sigh.
"Ok, hand me another one, I'll try again." After several attempts, mis-attempts and careful observation from the two of them, we work out how it needs to be done. SUCCESS! And only marginally traumatised fingers. But tragically that was only step one.

"Ok," starts Tabby, pointing at the glucose tester "now we need to see that this works." She takes my finger in her hand, squints at the little blob of blood and rubs the testing strip over my finger. Nothing. We whip out the instruction guide again and start over....